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In March 1993 Christine and Alan Witcutt drove in a relief convoy, organised by "Edinburgh Direct Aid", to deliver food and medicine to victims of the war in the former Yugoslavia. The suffering and need moved them to return there at the end of June. After delivering more aid, Christine was tragically shot and killed by a sniper while leaving Sarajevo. Alan has continued to support the work and has been invited to give many talks, resulting in more food, medicines and finance being donated.
When Alan was interviewed by press and television reporters on his return to Britain after Christine's death, he nobly and bravely said: "I believe I can forgive my wife's killer. I believe my religious convictions will overcome my feelings."
Here is how he feels in his own words.
"Forgiveness" - How easily this word has slipped from my lips without any effort for most of my life! The occasions and reasons have been many and varied, and to my shame, I had not really considered the implications or the full meaning of the word.
The concept, until July 1993, was almost an abstract subject for me, and was never considered as a difficulty I would have to come to terms with in a positive manner comparable to other commands of our Lord's which we find it difficult to adhere to and obey. But as from July last year in Sarajevo this word forgiveness has taken on a new and powerful meaning in my understanding of what it demands of me.
To forgive someone who killed my wife, Christine, defies belief. She was, as Andrew McLellan so movingly described her in his BBC "Thought for the Day" talk, "a defenceless, harmless, caring, retired schoolteacher" who was engaged in bringing food, other basics, and a few luxuries to the people of Bosnia in the most difficult, dangerous conditions and privations, living rough, sleeping under trucks and in army camps. But to forgive someone who killed her is what I have been faced with every waking hour since that day in Sarajevo in July when my world of reasonable normality was permanently destroyed in an instant.
So, forgiveness has for me become a brutal reality which must be put into practice if I am to follow the example of Christ. The Christian religion, the way of Jesus, has become costly and painful to me. It imposes on me a well-nigh impossible discipline of love. If we love each other, all men will know we are his disciples: we are also selfish; we like having Jesus in our lives, but often on our own terms. We keep him at bay, like Judas did. We claim to follow him, but we try and arrange things so that he doesn't interfere too much in our lives.
We exploit each other unknowingly. We are all part of each other, and in some sense guilty of causing each other miseries. Two examples will suffice:
For us to enjoy what coal gives us in terms of energy and warmth, and its many by-products to enrich our lives, we are quite happy for men to spend their working lives in unnatural and dangerous conditions to provide this element for our comfort. I speak from experience, having in my youth spent 10 years underground. Secondly, tea and coffee are accepted as a normal pleasure of life. Yet, to provide it for our enjoyment, we are not always innocent of the virtual slavery people work in to provide it for us.
Because we do this to our fellow humans, day in and day out, we are forgiven continually. No matter how hard we try, we cannot kill God's love for us. He forgives and keeps on forgiving. Once you realise its meaning, and its cost, you come to appreciate in wonder that there is no weapon effective against the Lord's total forgiveness. So, we too have no excuse but to do the same to each other.
There are two responses to forgiveness. Firstly, self examination. Do not shirk it. Know the worst about ourselves. Then receive the forgiveness that is freely offered continually by our Heavenly Father. Christians face not only the problems of evil, but its challenges. Problems like revenge only depress. Sooner or later, challenges to forgive spur us to activity, as I have so devastatingly had to put into practice because of the sniper in Sarajevo.
Would we discard the writings of David, Solomon, or Paul, if we took into account the very base deeds committed by them during certain stages of their lives? We expect God to forgive us constantly for our trespasses; we cannot then turn on our fellow men and women and not forgive them their sinning against us.
Karl Marx once wrote to Engels, "If Titus had not destroyed my Fatherland 1800 years ago, I would not be an enemy of all Fatherlands." So revenge, the opposite of forgiveness, continues down through centuries and succeeding generations. This has also been our experience in Bosnia and former Yugoslavia. Revenge has been and is being practised by all ethnic groups from father to son for hundreds of years, for wrongs real and imagined, and nothing has been solved. Revenge is a destructive poison which can easily continue like a running sore indefinitely. Ethnic and religious differences are an explosive mix and they bring out the worst in humans. To bring all this to an end, someone eventually has to make a stand and practise forgiveness. Revenge is totally destructive. I have observed personally as an eye witness the atrocities and inhumanity perpetrated by the various factions on helpless men, women and children. Killing children is a deliberate policy as it demoralises the other side. A sniper is reported to have said: "If I see a family walking in the street in Sarajevo, I will shoot the child because by doing so I demoralise my enemy totally." Many fear the country may not survive the destructive emotion of revenge.
I am constantly asked: What is the answer to this terrible inhuman conflict? My answer is that if lasting peace is ever to return, then all involved will have to practise forgiveness for wrongs committed on a massive scale. What a difficult concept for humans to accept! Considering the hundreds of years this conflict has been simmering and sporadically breaking out in violence, it would seem to be an almost impossible dream.
I do not say any of this lightly or suggest others carry out a Christian command that I find easy to obey. I also am struggling daily to fulfil Christ's commands.
But if I cannot or will not forgive, can I ask forgiveness for all the wrongs I perpetrate on others?
All who knew Christine, my wife, will understand my difficulty in forgiving her killer. She had a smile, a kind word, and her enthusiasm for what she was doing both here and in Bosnia was infectious. So, forgiveness is an ideal that I am struggling to observe since that moment when I crouched in the rubble-strewn street of Sarajevo and cradled her body in my arms and my whole world collapsed around me in an instant. Even now, I have periods of doubt, and pray continually for strength to forgive her killer. What is worrying to men and women trying to live the Christian life is the problem of what to do if we find forgiveness an impossibility. Could I, in all honesty, claim to be a follower of the Christian faith if I did not try to forgive? It is hard not to be a hypocrite. Daily prayer is my only answer to solving this problem of how to forgive. The people of former Yugoslavia will, I believe, also have to follow this course if lasting peace is to be achieved. A respect for all ethnic groups is the policy of Edinburgh Direct Aid. I would like to see all the warring factions taking a leaf out of the EDA book and seeking to live up to this ideal. By my continuing in this humanitarian effort of EDA with my supportive friends, and by being determined to help all in Bosnia, I would like to think that I am being positive in the act of forgiveness. And if the sniper is still alive, by my helping everyone in Bosnia he also benefits from my endeavours through my continuing support for the ideals of EDA.
Forgiveness has many facets. I must do to others as I would like to be done to by them. No discrimination is permitted. I also am forbidden to walk by on the other side. I do hope that my feeble attempt at forgiveness and reconciliation can help in a better understanding between peoples.
We have witnessed a remarkable example of forgiveness among nations, as those who were enemies in Europe 50 years ago have become reconciled - something we long to see happening in former Yugoslavia and elsewhere in our world.
I try to remember that the teaching of Jesus is: Respond to evil with good. When I look back at some of my mistakes I could kick myself. I am no stranger to mistakes. I know what it feels like to get things wrong. To make errors of judgment has been my constant companion throughout my life!
But if I know so much about human failure in myself, why is it so difficult to forgive another human being? I cannot claim to be better than anyone else. Yet, when I read the papers or hear the news, I judge people as if I were above their failings. Is it because I can see my own weaknesses in someone else? Do I try to justify myself by condemning my sins when I see them in another person?
Lord, to err is human; to forgive, divine.
My forgiveness is limited by human frailty but your forgiveness is all-embracing, poured out lavishly from the cross, forgiveness for the guilty, forgiveness for those who mock, forgiveness for broken promises, forgiveness for those who desert in the hour of need. Jesus said: "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." I humbly ask: "Lord, teach me to forgive and accept forgiveness." So, as Christine would demand my continuing involvement, I cannot be revengeful and end my association with aid to the people of former Yugoslavia. To be forgiving demands that I continue to help all who need help. Otherwise Christine's death would be in vain. God forbid that I would do anything so negative as to cause this to happen! Forgiveness has become a major goal in my Christian walk. This is the essence of Christianity. Any other attitude is not. When Jesus taught us "Our Father", to make sure we understood the most important part of it he added: "If you forgive men their trespasses your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Let us pray that it be our endeavour never to put our Heavenly Father in that position because of our behaviour towards our fellow humans. So, my prayer is: "Father, give me strength during my life to forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven."
Edinburgh Direct Aid is a non-political organisation which aims to take humanitarian aid to all those in the former Yugoslavia who have suffered as a result of the war, especially the victims of "ethnic cleansing" which has driven so many people from their homes, sometimes to their death and injury, always into destitution. Aid is driven direct from Edinburgh and delivered in person to refugee camps and appropriate distribution centres, thus ensuring that the aid reaches those for whom it is intended and demonstrating sympathy and fellow-feeling with those who are suffering.
A fund was set up in Christine's memory and is being used to (a) support The Christine Witcutt Centre for Special Needs Children at the Vladimir Nazor School, Sarajevo, and (b) support a home visit scheme for children in Sarajevo whose disabilities are so severe that they cannot attend the Centre. A 15 minute video is available on loan which shows the work of the Fund.
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