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Gordon MacRae was a Christadelphian here in Edinburgh, who spent two years struggling against cancer, before dying aged 48. Ten days before he died, he gave a talk about his faith and his illness, parts of which are reproduced below. |
The question everybody asks is, "How do you feel when you are told that you have got a very serious illness?" Well, the first thing I have to say is that I didn't feel any bitterness thenand I have never felt any bitterness since. I feel almost as if my whole life up until this time has been to prepare me for that bad news and the bad news has been broken into little sub-divisions thereafter.
So there's no sense of bitterness, no sense that I have been cheated, no sense that I followed a God that has just made a fool of me and He's not interested in me any longer. There is nothing like that. I feel all my background - brought up through the Sunday School and Youth Clubs, through our own meeting here, the Christadelphian church in Edinburgh - I feel all these things were to prepare me. So there is no bitterness, and no anxiety either.
There were only two days when I was slightly down. I was slightly down that day when I was told I had a tumour because I didn't know much about it and I knew that I had to break the news to my wife; and I was slightly down a few days ago when I was told that there was no cure at all and that there was no more they could do. But I don't think I was down the second time. The second time was more just concern for those around me rather than concern for myself in any way.
It must be difficult to try to come to God when one is suddenly struck down ill, because then all the difficult questions arise, but if one's made that decision earlier and thought it through, the decisions aren't then nearly so difficult. "Those who know you, LORD, will trust you." Their whole life experience is such that they know that they can trust God.
When you have a tumour there are many things the doctors don't know and they didn't know what was causing my internal bleeding. It was obvious to me that they were concerned about it. They discussed it with me for a long, long time. Many possibilities were put to me why I had this bleeding, but it's at times like that when you have to say, "Well, throw it back to God and leave it in God's hands. There's nothing I can do and you can only do your best."
"Teach me your ways, O LORD;
make them known to me.
Teach me to live according to your truth,
for you are my God, who saves me.
I always trust in you."Remember, O LORD, your kindness and constant love
which you have shown from long ago.
Forgive the sins and errors of my youth.
In your constant love and goodness,
remember me, LORD!" (Psalm 25:4-7)
I had had a period when they just didn't know what it was. I had had the long course of chemotherapy that had reduced the tumour very greatly. I'd had the stage where I had had a massive dose of chemotherapy. The fourth stage was radiation. Hopefully it kills off the tumour. I was due to get 25 treatments but they stopped it after 18, because I was really rather ill after the 18. Then we move on to the fifth stage, which is when you go to the hospital and they tell you, as they did ten days ago to me, that there is really not any more they can do.
This is the fifth and ultimate stage as far as this life is concerned, but the fifth stage isn't the last stage as far as I see it, because I am a Christadelphian, because I've had this way of life all these years.
I want to be able to say that along with Paul,
"I have done my best in the race… I have run the full distance, and I have kept the faith. And now there is waiting for me the prize of victory of being put right with God, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that day - and not only to me, but to all those who wait with love for him to appear." (2 Timothy 4:6-8)
Because, you see, we believe and we preach here week by week that there will be a resurrection. Jesus was the first-fruits, and Jesus will come again and will establish a Kingdom. And when that happens, then one will be regathered together and one's hopes are not lost.
"Let us give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! Because of his great mercy he gave us new life by raising Jesus Christ from death. This fills us with a living hope, and so we look forward to possessing the rich blessings that God keeps for his people. He keeps them for you in heaven, where they cannot decay or spoil or fade away. They are for you, who through faith are kept safe by God's power for the salvation which is ready to be revealed at the end of time."
- the end of time being, of course, the time when Jesus comes again to establish that Kingdom.
The purpose of all these trials is what? "Their purpose is to prove that your faith is genuine." You can't just discard it at the end or it means that your whole life previously was a total mockery.
"Their purpose is to prove that your faith is genuine. Even gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire; and so your faith, which is much more precious than gold, must also be tested so that it may endure. Then you will receive praise and glory and honour on the Day when Jesus Christ is revealed" - that day when the Lord Jesus will come again (1 Peter 1:3-7)
If you would like a copy of Gordon's full talk, please write to: Edinburgh Christadelphian Church, 4 Gayfield Place, Leith Walk, Edinburgh EH7 4AB.
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